A city boy moved to the country and bought a mule from an old farmer.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The mule died."
"Well, then just give me my money back."
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK, then. Just unload the mule."
"What ya gonna do with him?"
"I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked,
"Whatever happened with that dead mule?"
"I raffled him off. I sold a hundred tickets at two dollars a piece and made a ninety-eight dollar profit."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Hmmm... I don't think Kimmel lets us hold raffles (because of the "no gambling" rule). Otherwise, I have a 286 that probably qualifies as a dead mule.